If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
