i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
