I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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