I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
