i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
this just has baby written all over it
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
