its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
