my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
