i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Send help, water and tortillas.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
