I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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