Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
