I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
