When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
