Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
