Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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