This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
