You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
