we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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