And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
