Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
