I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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