i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
