woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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