you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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