like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
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