it was like his penis was on wheels.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
