I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
