I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
