Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
