Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize