His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
