he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm bleeding and have questions
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
