You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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