we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
