life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
God, I missed his penis.
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