I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
