I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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