what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize