in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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