i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
