Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
