dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
