i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
