i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
