she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
