I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
