We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
the liver wants what the liver wants
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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