Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
