I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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