The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
