So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
