I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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