dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize