I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Randomize
