She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize