There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
3pm strippers are depressing
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
