somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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