Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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