is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
