turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
