Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
