Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
