And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
