So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
