It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
