the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
