Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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