He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize