You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
