Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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