I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
