its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
