so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
That reminds me...we need to get swords
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
