So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize