I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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